The Trendiest Banana Republic in the World

Around town the Department of Homeland Security has been doing some redecorating, a la Martha Stewart: The ubiquitous Jersey Barriers that obstruct the views of and access to the world's most recognizable monuments to freedom are being painted green. This makes us all safer because, as everyone knows, Jersey Barriers work better when painted green.

For anyone who doubts this last statement, let me point out some statistics: Number of jet planes flown into buildings back in the days of plain gray Jersey barriers: 2. Number of jet planes flown into buildings since park service guys started going around and spray painting all the Jersey barriers in DC: 0. Success!

Future campaigns in the war on terror will include upgrading all the X-ray screeners at the airports from beige plastic to iMac-like translucent white, and, in FY2006, changing those red blinking lights on the tops of buildings and antenna towers to bright blue LEDs.